Teaching Morality to Your Children

Teaching morality to your children, how do you go about such a task? You can probably look around and see all the immorality in our culture and realize that it is an important assignment. Your children are too precious to let them be fooled by the craziness in our culture, but how are our children to know who is teaching them truth? I have a few points to share with you that will help not only in teaching morality to your children, but will help with your children believing in what you say as truth.

*Show grace. In addition to teaching the tough stuff, I teach grace. Jaden told me to be Goliath, as he was acting out the part of David. Knowing that I was the bad guy, he told me that Jesus died to save us. What a great message! We can teach grace through the teachings of the Word of God. The Word of God teaches us how to cope with all the messiness in this world.

*Model good behavior. Don't reprimand your kids for yelling by yelling at them. Show patience and understanding. In the words of Jaden, "don't be a little bit rough, then I'll be a little bit rough too."

*Tell the whole truth. My 3-year-old tells me that bad guys who don't listen to Jesus will go to Hell. Yikes! ...Okay, hear me out on this one. When we sugar coat the truth, the truth is not in them. Kids have to know that there is definitely a right and wrong. There are serious consequences for those who choose the wrong way, but there are bountiful blessings for those who choose the right way to live. When we sugar coat the truth, kids begin to believe that they do not really have to be good kids. They just have to pretend to be good for the sake of rewards. My son use to want to be the bad guy (just for fun), now he only wants to be the good guy. There is much excitement and adventure as he acts the part of a "good guy super hero." He realizes there is no in-between. You still may think I am crazy, but I see that it is of great benefit to teach reality, rather than a fairy tale.

*Value your children. Don't just care about your children, cherish them. When they see that they are valuable in your eyes, they will want to behave. They will see that it is rewarding to enjoy time together as a family. Build them up, and they will make your life better. When they feel valued, they will act valuable.

Just recently, I was listening to Chuck Swindoll, a passionate pastor in ministry. He was teaching on child rearing. He was saying that what keeps kids on the right track is not taking them to church every Sunday and every church activity they could possibly go to. What keeps kids on the right track is getting to know them - learning their strengths and weaknesses, encouraging them in what they love to do, listening to them. Swindoll even went as far to say that when this is not done, kids will hit the road running, once they become an adult, and possibly never return. Swindoll pointed to Proverbs 22:6 in the Message Bible, which reads, "point your kids in the right direction - when they are old, they won't be lost."

Your Love Is Not Enough

In the spirit of the Easter season, we are reminded of Jesus' life, death, and resurrection. He came to save us from our sins because we could not save ourselves. He came to carry our burdens by carrying the cross for us. His life has given us hope for this life and in eternity.

As we think about Jesus' love for us, I want to share something that I have been thinking about for the entire season of Lent. As I watch my kids, I sit back and think of how I want the best that life can offer them. I want them to always be happy, healthy, and full of life. I want them to know that they are important, and to never get discouraged. I want them to be excited for the future, encouraged to pursue their dreams. I want them to work hard and never give up, to offer their time and energy to help other people, to have joy in their hearts because they are making a difference every day. I want the best for them, as God wants the best for us, as well. The Bible tells us that God wants to give us good gifts, and he wants all good things for those who love him.

Remarkably, God is the one who can do miracles. He is the one who can work all things together for the good of those who love him (Romans 8:28). I want to perform miracles for my children, but my strength and love is not enough. I have to rely on God's love, and put my trust in Him for the future. I pray that you do the same.

Yours Truly,
~Melissa Seng

Expect Great Things!

Have you ever been stuck in a rut? Have you ever felt that no matter how hard you tried, it seemed like you could never get your life on track? Have you ever been discouraged because the direction your life is heading and the direction you want it to go are two very different paths? Life is tough. Sometimes we can manipulate the variables and change our lifestyles, but we still cannot get the desired results, perhaps, with our health, relationships, or finances. From the time we wake up in the morning, to the minute we lay our head down to sleep, life remains a chore. It's exhausting. How in the world can all of this change?

Being a parent of two, I definitely have these thoughts from time to time. My four month old eats about seven times a day, and my three year old eats about that often, as well. Together that is about fourteen times a day that I am feeding one of my children! And that does not include my husband! Then, there are the dishes and laundry, and cleaning, all those chores you are familiar with. Of course, it only makes sense that our lives can sometimes feel like a chore.

Being me, who naturally analyzes everything, I realized some things needed to change. I wanted my daily routine to change, but I was waking up exhausted every morning. I could not figure out why. I knew that part of it was because I have not been drinking my happy drink in the morning, which is my XS (because I breastfeed my four month old), but I knew there was more to the story. I listened to John C. Maxwell and figured it out.

John C. Maxwell said something profound in one of his messages that I wanted to share with you all. He said it is not that he is so disciplined that makes him so successful, it is that he has positive anticipation. How awesome is that?! It is not that he is so crazy disciplined, but his anticipation drives his actions. Wow. What a great perspective!

When we have positive expectation, we are excited to get out of bed every morning to start the day. We anticipate good things to happen, and the results follow. What a relief it is when you expect to have a great day! The weight of your life, and the weight of all your responsibilities, seem so much lighter when you have positive expectation. Instead of just "keeping up with your house work," you do exceptional. You decorate! Instead of "getting in your workout," you have refreshing personal time to enjoy the fresh air and feel great. How much more would you get done with this kind of attitude? Positive expectations yield a positive life.

Have a great day!

Yours Truly,
~Melissa Seng

Raising Confident Children

"Daddy, you need my help!" my three-year-old yells, as his daddy runs outside to mow the lawn. He knows the routine. When Daddy cuts the grass, he gets to use his toy lawn mower to help. Jaden says, "it's time to do some work," as he waits for me to get his jacket and shoes on, before running outside. He feels important. What a great confidence builder for a little guy! He is a part of the team, daddy's team.

Taking a second look at this example, it is clear that there was another approach I could have taken. I could have told Jaden that "actually Daddy does not need your help. He can do just fine on his own." Wow. Instead of building confidence in him, I would have totally left him feeling defeated, not important enough to be on daddy's team, and not happy at all. I would have been a complete jerk. Have you ever made that decision? Have you ever decided to choose personal convenience over your children's confidence and excitement for life? 

Raising confident children is not all about convenience. It is a choice, and it takes effort. It takes a lot of words of appreciation, a lot of thumbs up, a lot of smiles, and a lot of compliments. When you are in the habit of making these decisions, you will see a big difference in your children's attitudes. The ideas I will be presenting can be useful for parents of boys and girls. Praise them regularly, and they will give you more reason to give praise. If you criticize constantly, they will give you more reason to criticize. Teach them that they are highly skilled, intelligent, strong, kind, and great listeners. If you see it in them, they will see it in themselves. Watching our kids grow from birth onward, it is easy to see them as strong and smart, as we see God's amazing work first hand. 

Give your children confidence-building nicknames that they want to live up to. Let them speak words of encouragement in their own lives. Talk positively in your home. And, give your children boundaries of freedom. Boundaries of freedom involves giving your children freedom to have fun and make decisions within the boundaries that you set before him. For example, if your child wants to run around wild outside, you can give him a time frame and a location in which they can do so. 

Lastly, let your children have fun, teach the Word of God, and teach them to have compassion for others. Children, who love to have fun, who care for the people in their world, and who believe in the one true God, are likely to be confident children with much joy to offer the world around them. 

Yours Truly, 

~Melissa Seng

How Much Time is Enough in Spending Time With Your Kids?

How much time is enough in spending time with your kids? It's a fair question. We all ponder this question quite often. If we are parents working inside the home or outside the home, there is always money to be made and work to be done. There is, also, always those children who need your attention. It seems like parents are always pulled in so many directions, and it gets confusing which way to turn. Most of the time, we second guess ourselves, and still do not find the right answer. Well, I can attempt to help you find the answer right now.

Have you ever learned the power of a daily routine? A daily routine involves sticking with a set of tasks that you complete every day, in order to make sure the most important aspects of your life are taken care of. This routine only has to involve a small portion of your day, because you do have work to do and people to see. It is a busy life we live. After all, we are pretty complex creations, and we live in a complex world. It takes a lot of work to live life to the fullest.

In considering a daily  routine, I believe spending time with your children works the same way. You cannot just leave it all for the weekend and expect them to feel loved and appreciated. In the same way, you cannot just leave the exercise for the weekend and expect to get into shape. It needs to be a daily practice.

So, you may be thinking, "Well, of course I spend time with my kids everyday. I get them ready for school, cook them dinner, clean them up, and do it all again the next day." I'm sorry to say, but that does not count. If that is the best you can do for the time, I understand. However, you should put goals in place to spend more quality time with your children. Your kids are valuable, as you already know. They need your undivided attention every day.

Let's clarify what I consider undivided attention, and then we can look into the question of "How much time is enough?" Undivided attention is not exactly undivided. It just does not involve work (i.e. cleaning the house, cooking dinner, etc.). It can involve reading your kids a story, singing a song, playing a game, running around outside. It involves a time when you and your family are valuing one another and enjoying each other's company. It is a time that your children will cherish.

You may be wondering, "Does this involve the television?" I am happy to say "NO." As you have heard, your brain is more active when you are sleeping than it is when you are watching TV. How often have you been watching TV and hours later you completely forgot that other people were in the room? Exactly. Trust me, they would much rather be dancing around the living room than participating in an activity that does not really involve them anyways. As grown-ups, we realize that it was the quality time with our family that mattered the most, and made the greatest impact in our lives.

Does this mean no television? No. I am just suggesting that you do not consider it to be the undivided attention that you give your children every day.

Let's return to the original question. How much time should this be that we focus on our children? I think a great goal is one hour per day of undivided attention. That could be a half hour in the morning just talking and drinking some hot tea and a half hour in the evening doing a family devotional. It could be a half hour in the morning getting some fresh air outdoors as a family and a half hour in the evening playing basketball. It could involve taking a break in the middle of the day and just hanging out with your little ones.  These times can be completely unique to your family. They are special to your children, and will be invaluable in shaping your relationships with one another. Do what you enjoy together, and the joy will be ever-present in your home.

Yours truly,
~Melissa Seng

Encouragement for Your Marriage!

Recently, I was listening to Dave Ramsey, and he brought up an example of what it is like to go through life in marriage. He used the example of two Belgian horses to paint a picture of the amazing gift of marriage and the power that lies within a team of a husband and wife.

God's creation is pretty amazing. It is easy to be in awe of beauty, the elegant design, and the details of the work of our Intelligent Designer, One creature that I mentioned is the Belgian horse. Did you know that one Belgian horse can pull 8,000 lbs? That's quite a job that can be done. What is amazing is that two Belgian horses that have never worked together can pull 24,000 lbs. That is three times the load. The horses just have to be pulling in the same direction. If we compare this to marriage, it is like a husband and wife that are headed towards the same goals, but maybe feel like they do not even like each other most days. They have not yet figured out that the person next to them is an awesome gift. They have yet to see the beauty and power in the relationship. But what happens when a couple discovers these truths? What happens when a husband and wife start to like each other again, and maybe even begin training to work as a team? Well, in horse terms, they can pull 32,000 lbs!! That's the power of a great marriage!

The Bible tells us that "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord (Proverbs 18:22). We are a gift to our spouse, and our spouse is a gift to get God's work done, a gift so that we can have God's best for our lives. It's much more fun to go through life when you are pulling in the same direction and working as a team.

When you are working together, there is one important point you need to keep in mind. This is something that I realized a few months back, and it was just mind-boggling to me. I know you will be surprised, and you might even fall off your rocker, as the saying goes. But, something I realized was that my husband is not God. I know, it's crazy. You would have never guessed. (Okay, I'm just kidding.) But, think about it. Don't we all sometimes act as though our spouse is God. Do you ever expect your spouse to meet all of your needs? If you are like me, you have a pretty lengthy list of needs. A clean house, a restful night's sleep, lots of time to exercise, a few hours to sit back and read a good book (on the beach!) and some good home-cooking are all "needs" in my book. Having a great coach for my kids in life and in sports is also high on the priority list, But, most of all, I desire for someone who can always reassure me that everything will be okay, that my family will always be protected, and that they will be guided in the right direction. I want peace, joy, and comfort. I want foreknowledge that everything in life will be just fine and dandy.

Wow, that's quite a role to fulfill. The funny thing is, we really expect these things from our spouse! We think our spouse can give us these wonderful gifts. and I would love for that to happen. However, God and our spouse are not one in the same. Even if you think highly of your spouse, these wishes will probably only be granted by God.

Our spouse is our team, our motivator, our gift for enjoying life. He can help you to pull a load four times what you can on your own! So, be thankful! 1 Thessalonians 5:18 reads to "give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus" (1 Thessalonians 5:18). God desires for us to notice the good things in life. So, even if your spouse cannot perform miracles, know that he can pray for them to happen, and he can be God's answer to the help that you need. That is great news!


Exercise:

Think of one thing you could not do without the help and encouragement of your spouse? Have the two of you been able to pull the load about four times what you could on your own? Feel free to comment below or on my Facebook page what you are thankful for (or just let your spouse know how they are greatly appreciated).

Personal example:

I am thankful for my husband's help with cooking. Because of him, I was able to enjoy zucchini noodles with garlic and parmesan, red-skinned potatoes, and healthy no-bake chocolate chip cookies this week! I could not have done it without him!


Have a great day!

Yours truly,
~Melissa Seng

Tips for the Terrible Three's

I know we have all heard about the "terrible two's," the age when kids learn that they have an opinion. However, the terrible three's can be challenging, as well. This is the time when kids have learned how to talk, and now they are learning how to talk back. They have more freedom than ever before, and they want to take it to the limit. They are loud, proud, and unpredictable.

It's such a challenging time for parents, as we are, most often, left with no idea what to do in fulfilling our role as a parent. Three-year-old's no longer place you solely in charge of their lives. They act as though they are halfway between the stages of birth and adulthood. Three-year-old's can eat, walk, play, and talk on their own; however, they still need a roof over their head and some love and care from their parents.

During this stage in our children's lives, do we as parents take a tighter grip or do we loosen up on our reigns in parenting? Of course, there are many different opinions and many different ways of parenting. Raising our son through this stage of life, my husband and I have made some observations that might help you as a parent. All kids are different, but the tips that I have mentioned below have helped us greatly. We hope they make a difference for you, as well.

*1. Kids don't really want to misbehave. They want power, but they do not want to be a bad kid. Even if they seek temporary satisfaction by being a rebel, they really are most fulfilled when they are at peace in the arms of their mom or dad. Take time to recognize the joy in their spirit when they are behaving. You can see that that is when they are most happy.

Helpful hint: try laughing with your child more often. If he/she gets loud in a grocery store for no reason, or if he/she has an emotional fit at home, or if he/she tells you "no," try laughing. Why? Well, the more you find humor in the behavior, the more your child will see that their behavior is ridiculous. They will realize it's more fun to laugh. and the situation will not be elevated by your negative reaction. (P.S. this is not advised for every situation, but try it every once in awhile. You may be surprised at how well it works. You may actually receive that respect you desire and deserve.)

*2. Try not to raise your voice. Don't build on the emotion or the anger. Kids listen amazingly well when you talk softly and kindly to them. They realize that they are important and, ironically, that what you are saying needs to be heard.

*3. Explain all you can to them. They understand. And, sometimes, take the time to tell them why the answer is "no." They will learn so much from you, and you will have less battles to fight in the future.

*4. Remember their biggest influence comes from the example you set before them. Even beyond the situation, they are watching. If you are calm under stress, your child will learn to be calm. If you are filled with anger under stress, your child will learn to be filled with anger. If you can be joyful and loving, your child will learn to have love and joy. Your reactions make a bigger difference than the discipline you administer.

*5. Compliment them often! Kids are always trying new things, learning new skills, etc. Compliment them when they master a new skill, or say a new phrase, or eat a new kind of food. Notice the little things. They need a ton of confidence! You can make lasting deposits into their self esteem.

*6. Encourage two-way communication. Many times children at this age will get very upset for a specific reason. If we do not take the time to listen, we are not delivering the message that we care. Three-year-old's can begin to learn to have control over their emotions through good communication. As a parent, I am thankful that I have encouraged two-way communication when my three-year-old is upset. Many times there has not been a "battle of the wills" because I have listened to his needs at the time. In some instances, he has gotten upset, and I have learned that it was due to me forgetting to get him a drink or take care of one of his needs at the time. Kids can learn to communicate, if we give them a chance. If you master this concept, you will be glad you did! You will save so much time and energy, as you care to communicate well.

*7. Leave room for fun. Fun is always a great way to help children want to behave. Having fun seems to actually be a need for them. When they are having fun, there is less reason to misbehave. This can even involve the parent. For example, recently, we learned that our son listens amazingly well to Mickey Mouse (a.k.a. my husband speaking in a Mickey Mouse voice and puppeteering our stuffed Mickey).  He also listens well when my husband is just being a weirdo.

You may be one of those people who believes in the old fashioned way of parenting. "You do as I say because I am in charge." That is great, but if it is not working, because your child is a typical three-year-old, than feel free to try some of these ideas.

Start showing mutual respect in your household, and you too will find your toddler respond to you and your family (quite frequently!) with "Yes, Sir!" "Yes, Ma'am!" and "That's a great idea!" It's definitely worth a try!