Tips for the Terrible Three's

I know we have all heard about the "terrible two's," the age when kids learn that they have an opinion. However, the terrible three's can be challenging, as well. This is the time when kids have learned how to talk, and now they are learning how to talk back. They have more freedom than ever before, and they want to take it to the limit. They are loud, proud, and unpredictable.

It's such a challenging time for parents, as we are, most often, left with no idea what to do in fulfilling our role as a parent. Three-year-old's no longer place you solely in charge of their lives. They act as though they are halfway between the stages of birth and adulthood. Three-year-old's can eat, walk, play, and talk on their own; however, they still need a roof over their head and some love and care from their parents.

During this stage in our children's lives, do we as parents take a tighter grip or do we loosen up on our reigns in parenting? Of course, there are many different opinions and many different ways of parenting. Raising our son through this stage of life, my husband and I have made some observations that might help you as a parent. All kids are different, but the tips that I have mentioned below have helped us greatly. We hope they make a difference for you, as well.

*1. Kids don't really want to misbehave. They want power, but they do not want to be a bad kid. Even if they seek temporary satisfaction by being a rebel, they really are most fulfilled when they are at peace in the arms of their mom or dad. Take time to recognize the joy in their spirit when they are behaving. You can see that that is when they are most happy.

Helpful hint: try laughing with your child more often. If he/she gets loud in a grocery store for no reason, or if he/she has an emotional fit at home, or if he/she tells you "no," try laughing. Why? Well, the more you find humor in the behavior, the more your child will see that their behavior is ridiculous. They will realize it's more fun to laugh. and the situation will not be elevated by your negative reaction. (P.S. this is not advised for every situation, but try it every once in awhile. You may be surprised at how well it works. You may actually receive that respect you desire and deserve.)

*2. Try not to raise your voice. Don't build on the emotion or the anger. Kids listen amazingly well when you talk softly and kindly to them. They realize that they are important and, ironically, that what you are saying needs to be heard.

*3. Explain all you can to them. They understand. And, sometimes, take the time to tell them why the answer is "no." They will learn so much from you, and you will have less battles to fight in the future.

*4. Remember their biggest influence comes from the example you set before them. Even beyond the situation, they are watching. If you are calm under stress, your child will learn to be calm. If you are filled with anger under stress, your child will learn to be filled with anger. If you can be joyful and loving, your child will learn to have love and joy. Your reactions make a bigger difference than the discipline you administer.

*5. Compliment them often! Kids are always trying new things, learning new skills, etc. Compliment them when they master a new skill, or say a new phrase, or eat a new kind of food. Notice the little things. They need a ton of confidence! You can make lasting deposits into their self esteem.

*6. Encourage two-way communication. Many times children at this age will get very upset for a specific reason. If we do not take the time to listen, we are not delivering the message that we care. Three-year-old's can begin to learn to have control over their emotions through good communication. As a parent, I am thankful that I have encouraged two-way communication when my three-year-old is upset. Many times there has not been a "battle of the wills" because I have listened to his needs at the time. In some instances, he has gotten upset, and I have learned that it was due to me forgetting to get him a drink or take care of one of his needs at the time. Kids can learn to communicate, if we give them a chance. If you master this concept, you will be glad you did! You will save so much time and energy, as you care to communicate well.

*7. Leave room for fun. Fun is always a great way to help children want to behave. Having fun seems to actually be a need for them. When they are having fun, there is less reason to misbehave. This can even involve the parent. For example, recently, we learned that our son listens amazingly well to Mickey Mouse (a.k.a. my husband speaking in a Mickey Mouse voice and puppeteering our stuffed Mickey).  He also listens well when my husband is just being a weirdo.

You may be one of those people who believes in the old fashioned way of parenting. "You do as I say because I am in charge." That is great, but if it is not working, because your child is a typical three-year-old, than feel free to try some of these ideas.

Start showing mutual respect in your household, and you too will find your toddler respond to you and your family (quite frequently!) with "Yes, Sir!" "Yes, Ma'am!" and "That's a great idea!" It's definitely worth a try!