Teaching Children to Behave and to Become All That God Has Created Them to Be

Our kids mean the world to us. We want them to have fun, we want them to behave, and we want them to become all that God has created them to be. So how do we help our kids on this journey? Well, I want to share a few thoughts with you on this topic.

As parents, we underestimate the value of one another. We say we are too busy to spend time together. We try to give our kids all the attention they need, but we don't realize that what they need are real relationships with others.

Kids learn to behave when we encourage positive interaction in the home and outside the home. From my experience, the most well-behaved kids - those who are respectful to adults and good friends to their peers - are those who have a lot of positive interaction with others. Often times, cousins are great for teaching kids how to interact with one another. I am grateful for my sons' cousins; for, I know they have made a tremendous impact on their lives. They have taught them what it is like to be included and to have a ton of fun. That is an experience that we do not value enough.

In the church, we like to pretend that we have it all together. We like to pretend that we do not need one another. But, we do need one another. When our kids realize that they matter, that's when they get excited about life. That's when they can learn to have peace and joy, and to be confident, fun, and self-controlled. All they learn in the home, they can apply, so that they can become all that God has created them to be.

Thanks for reading!

~Melissa Seng

P.J.'s for Your Family This Christmas?

Happy holidays! "May the calendar keep bringing, happy holidays to you." That's Bing Crosby. His song is simple, fun to listen to, and one of the most popular songs of the season. Listening to this tune helps us to enjoy the season with our families and friends.

There is something else that is simple, relaxing, and fun that we can do for Christmas...Wear your P.J.'s this Christmas Day!

We all love the idea, but have you tried it? You get up early, open presents, enjoy cookies and hot chocolate, read the Christmas story, listen to Christmas music, and just relax...That sounds great, right?

But, then, we start to wonder, "How do we make time to relax? That doesn't fit into our schedule." Well the good news is that many stores and restaurants are actually closed for the holiday, so we will not have to worry about running any errands, making last minute trips to the store, etc. We can stay home and enjoy our family.

You might be asking, "Why should I wear my P.J.'s?" Well, for good reason. 1. It can be a fun tradition for you and your family. 2. It helps us to remember what is important on Christmas Day. Sometimes we feel and act like we are only worth something to other people if we look nice, our hair is perfect, our clothes fit just right. The list goes on. The standards we set for ourselves are high. But, God tells us that we are valuable. Proverbs 31:10 tells us, "a wife of noble character, who can find? She is worth far more than rubies." Our value does not come from our looks, or our wealth. It comes from God. When we get to take a day (or more!) to get our focus off of our impossible standards we set for ourselves, we can focus on what truly matters. We can love one another, as God loves us. We can live by the spirit that is within us.

I hope you enjoy Christmas Day with the spirit of Christmas and the joy and peace that come.

Thanks for reading!

~Melissa Seng

Five Great Gift Ideas for Kids in a Christian Home

It's the holiday season, and it's great to hear Christmas music once again. The thought of shopping is exciting as we think of gifts to bless our family and friends. On the other hand, it can be a bit stressful trying to find good buys, especially for those who are not usually big shoppers. So, I wanted to give you some ideas here. These ideas are not wild and crazy, but they are meaningful, and may very well be appreciated for years to come.

1. Movie night: The Star
    *The Star is such a fun, family-friendly movie that teaches the Christmas story in a unique way.

2. Focus on the Family's Clubhouse Jr. Magazine
    *Clubhouse Jr. Magazine is a fun way for kids to learn to apply Biblical knowledge to everyday circumstances. There are stories, crafts, jokes, all in a light-hearted manner for kids to enjoy. It's entertaining and educational for kids. Clubhouse Magazine Jr. is for kids age 3-7. Clubhouse Magazine is for kids age 8-12.

3. The Veggie Tales Bible or The Jesus Storybook Bible
    *The Veggie Tales Bible is an NIRV (New International Reader's Version) Bible. The Jesus Storybook Bible is a much condensed version of the Bible. You can find them at your local Christian bookstore.

4. Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace Jr.
    *Financial Peace Jr. is for ages 3-12 and involves a fun curriculum for teaching children about money, and it's only $19.99.

5. Bill Seng's The Wrath of Giganotus Rex
    *The Wrath of Giganotus Rex is a fictional book that is geared towards middle school kids on up. It tells the story of a reporter, William Stevens, who is searching for truth. It is action-packed, and filled with a definite good vs. evil plot. You can get a copy at www.williamhseng.com

I hope these ideas are helpful to you as you enjoy the Christmas season!

Thanks for reading!

~Melissa Seng

Bringing Up Boys: Lessons from Dr. James Dobson

What characteristics come to mind when you think of boys? Perhaps, rambunctious, energetic, intelligent, strong, fearless, difficult to manage? Boys are definitely unique. They were made stronger; they were made to protect their families. They were made first for a reason.

As parents, we can find it challenging to raise boys. They can be strong-willed, but sensitive at the same time. They can be wild, but deflated if we are not careful with our actions and our words. They can be great listeners, or they can learn to be rebellious. Fortunately, we can seek wisdom in parenting.

Dr. James Dobson is a great place to start for gathering some timeless advice on family and parenting. He has been known as one of the most influential Christian leaders of our time. He founded the radio program, Focus on the Family, in 1977. In 2002 he wrote Bringing Up Boys, which I will highlight for you now.

Dr. James Dobson tells us that General Douglas MacArthur, who was among the greatest military leaders of all time, said "It is my hope that my son, when I am gone, will remember me not from the battle, but in the home." He said, "A soldier destroys in order to build. The father only builds." That is our opportunity: to build our home in such a way that provides our kids with peace, love, and direction.

Why is the family important? Families bring stability and mental health to children. Character, self-discipline, respect for authority, commitment to the truth, work ethic, love of Jesus can all be learned in the home. Boys can learn to be men, who are unwavering in their desire to live according to the truth. They can learn to stand for the only message that can teach us who we are, why we are here, how we got here, and where we are going for all eternity. They can learn to be men, who impact this world.

What's the bad news? Our children need us. They need us to be around, to teach them how to cope with life. James Dobson tells us that, "I believe the two-career family during the child rearing years creates a level of stress that is tearing people apart." He also says that "We live our lives as if we're on freight trains that are rumbling through town. We don't control the speed - or at least we think we don't - so our only option is to get off. Stepping from the train and taking life more slowly is very difficult." But he suggests we do just that. 65% of children go home to an empty house! They have no one to talk to if they had a bad day, no one to tell them they are worth it, no one to comfort them and give them strength when they most need it.

Dobson tells us that when parents are present, kids are much less likely to be affected by drugs, violence, and criminal activity. Particularly, the absence of fathers is the the biggest contributor of criminal behavior in boys and men. They desperately need parents to lead them in the right direction. When parents are not present for much of the day, children are more likely to rebel, causing these temptations to be even greater. Josh McDowell tells us that "Rules without relationship lead to rebellion."

Dobson also tells us to not be too distracted or exhausted to care for our children. They need us, for what will seem like a brief moment in time, and then they will be on their own. That time is valuable. "I would give anything to go back twenty-five years and live another day with the two kids who graced our home."

What Do We Do About It? Researcher George Barna reports that kids age five to thirteen have a 32% chance of accepting Jesus Christ as their savior. But, from ages fourteen to eighteen, there is only a 4%, and for adults there is only a 6% that they will become Bible-believing Christians. Kids, in their formative years, need parents around to teach them right from wrong and to teach them that, contrary to everything they hear in our culture/at school, there is truth. That truth comes from the Bible. "Phony research has been used effectively by liberals to advance their agenda."  ...of tearing down the family unit. They do this by claiming that families are better without the father in the home, stronger when the mother works, less affected by crime because of abortion, more normal when they allow their children to choose their own identity, etc. We need to defeat those phony teachings in our own homes. Dobson tells us that if the teaching sounds nonsensical, chances are it is. For example, marijuana retards the growth of normal brain cells, has exponentially higher cancer-causing capacity than normal cigarettes, and has the ability to lower the white blood cell count by 39%, damaging our immune system. For these reasons, we must be present to teach our kids to be counter-cultural Christians.

What Does Christian Parenting Look Like? Research tells us that only 34% of all children born in America will live with both biological parents through age eighteen. Just being present, loving, and married to your spouse will make a big impact on your children. Boys need structure and supervision, and they need to be civilized. They need to be taught to pick up after themselves; they need to be taught to have respect for women and authority. In disciplining them, Dobson tells us that "a few quiet words spoken with conviction by a mother or father can often convey this confidence and authority better than a barrage of empty threats and wild gestures." Children will remember how we treat them more so than they will remember the bad things that they might have done.

What Is The Mother's Role? Kids need their mothers a great deal more than our culture teaches. It is not just the cooking and cleaning that matter. It is all of the love and support that we can show our kids throughout the day. We need to listen to them, encourage them, teach them the Bible, and bring them peace. We need to let them have fun, let them learn, let them know that they are wanted. If possible, Dobson suggest to homeschool your kids. Immorality is pushed so heavily in the school systems, so home-schooling is a great option.

What Is The Father's Role? Dobson tells us that the father should be the provider, leader, protector, and spiritual teacher. Protect them at school, at home, in public. Prevent them from being bullied at all cost, even if it means moving or changing schools. Teach respect by showing respect. Have fun. Shoot hoops. Wrestle. Play games. Eat together.

Dr. James Dobson gives us much advice here in his book, Bringing Up Boys. I hope you are able to implement some of it in your life. I think you will be rewarded greatly in your heart and in your life as you value God's gift of children.

Thanks for reading!

~Melissa Seng

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How to Become Part of Their World

Dr. Tim Clinton, writer and psychologist for Dr. James Dobson's Family Talk, recently said, "Every time a child is born - so is a mother." Motherhood is a journey that begins and never ends. The same is true of Fatherhood. God gives us family and we become part of their world, and they become part of ours. We get to pay attention to every part of their lives, watching them learn to walk, talk, and eat real food for the first time. We get to see them smile, and we get to see how they understand so much of the world around them. Kids are incredible, talented, smart, and such a fun addition to our world.

But, sometimes life gets busy. We get busy. And we forget to be a part of their world, like we once had been. We get so wrapped up in grocery shopping, cooking, and running our kids around, that we don't take the time to pay attention to them. We throw on their coats, demand that they be quiet and listen, and then days pass without paying attention to them. So how do we change that routine? How do we become part of their world once again?

We can start by making a regular attempt at getting out of our own world. Work, hobbies, and paying too much attention to everyone else, can rob us of paying attention to our kids. Yesterday, I realized, when I was driving around town, feeling unfulfilled, that I was only thinking about myself all morning. It is natural; but, then, we need to make an honest attempt to refocus and redirect our attention.

You might be thinking of all the things you have to do in one day and say that you do not have much time to focus on your kids, you barely have enough time to focus on God. Well, I say to you, from the great words of Ariel in Disney's The Little Mermaid, "Look at this stuff, isn't it neat. Wouldn't you think my collections complete? Wouldn't you think I'm the girl, the girl who has everything." She has everything, but it's not enough. "I wanna be where the people are; I wanna see, wanna see them dancin." She wants to be part of that world, she wants to be where the people are, because the people are more important that the things we worry about.

Being a part of their world means thinking about them, paying attention to them, searching for their needs, enjoying them. Then, we can understand what it means to be a part of Jesus' world. Living for Jesus is not a phrase that is easy for most people to understand, but when we begin to live for others, think about Him, and see the world through God's eyes, we are beginning to live as Jesus lived.

Thanks for reading!

~Melissa Seng

Where in the World Does Time Go?

Where in the world does time go? I find myself asking this question a lot. I am sure many of you do the same. This time of year, the weather is getting colder and the days are getting shorter. We are reminded that these times do not last forever. The morning walks, the afternoons at the park, and the evening trips to get ice cream will be delayed for the time being. The joy of spending time with the neighbors outdoors will be put on hold. But, these times will come again.

Time goes by in the blink of an eye. Our first child seemed to go from age two to ten; however, he just turned four years old. We have long conversations with him, where he comes to so many fascinating conclusions about life. He tells me Bible stories; he understands when he makes mistakes, why he makes them, and how to make things right. He is, also, good at telling me when I have made a mistake, as well. I am thankful that he has wisdom and understanding, which only the Bible can provide.

Our youngest child, who just turned 11 months old, is walking across the room, all by himself. You raise these kids for a year, it seems, and they are off on their own. In the process, you realize that God has done it all.

It is amazing to see kids grow. It is, also, amazing that God provides everything they need to endure in this world. Sometimes little moments of watching them grow is so special that you want time to stand still so that you can take in all the changes that are happening around you. I am encouraged to know that God is timeless. He is beyond time. In fact, he has set eternity in the hearts of man, so that we may know that this life is not all that he has to offer (Ecclesiastes 3:11). We have time for all eternity, with more good times to come.

Raising Kids in a Secular World

In a previous blog, I outlined some of the most important points in Raising Christian Children in a Secular School Environment. In this blog, I want to expand upon that list. I hope these tips are helpful to you. Hebrews 3:13 tells us to "encourage one another daily, as long as it is called 'Today,' so that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin." I believe that having a game plan can be an encouragement to us, and a reminder that He has overcome the world (John 16:33).

1. Display Christian values in the home.
2. Attend church regularly.
3. Encourage your children to attend a good, Bible-based church camp in the Summer.
4. Emphasize character more than accomplishments.
    *Accomplishments take us nowhere without character.
5. Encourage your children to attend a Christian college, not just a church affiliated school or secular university.
6. Teach that God is the authority and the source of moral absolutes.
    *The standard of behavior comes from Him, not from Mom and Dad.
7. Include family Bible time in your daily routine. Bedtime is a great time for Bible time!
8. Pray together. A family that prays together, stays together.
9. Be available to your kids.
10. Spend time with Christian friends. They will make a lasting impact on your kids.
11. Attend extracurricular activities with your kids. Guide them in how to deal with this world.
12. Remain faithful to your spouse. They will see the value in relationships if relationships are valued in the home.
13. Trust and obey. "There's no other way, to be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey."

Thanks for reading!

~Melissa Seng