Saturday, October 14, 2017

How to Teach Your Kids to Get Along

Do you ever have those days when your kids just cannot get along? You just want to scream, but at the same time, you wish somebody could talk some sense into them. You feel like you don't know where to start. The only thing you know is that you need some help. Well, I have good news for you. I have some simple tips that can help you restore peace in your home. And, it all begins with you.

The Bible tells us in Proverbs 15 that harsh words stir up anger, but a gentle response turns away wrath. When our children act harshly to one another, we should not respond by giving harsh discipline. We must be an example to our kids even as we give discipline. In applying this principle, we must remember that discipline should be used to teach. It should not be used as an expression of our anger.

So, now that we know how to respond to anger, how do we teach our kids to act kindly to one another to begin with? I learned in graduate school that positive reinforcement works better than negative reinforcement. Offer rewards to your kids for good behavior. They will be focused on getting a reward, more than they are focused on getting punished. If you constantly remind them about a punishment they may receive if they misbehave, they will actually be working towards that end result. If you put positive things on their mind, they will respond to the positive. What is on our mind, is what will show up in our lives.

You may be asking, "Why should I reward my kids for good behavior? They should just be good." Well, you have to remember, as adults, we understand the consequences for our actions; therefore, we are more likely to choose the end result before we act in our behavior. We have to teach our kids to choose the end result, and we can do that by offering rewards. We are always rewarded, even in the "real world" for our good behavior.  Kids should be taught to be wise and encouraged to act in wisdom.

You may be thinking, "That is great for them to get along all for the sake of rewards, but how can that desire come from the heart?" To start, reading Scripture to our kids can help them change from the inside out. Kids need to know why they should love their siblings and how to be respectful to them. Kids, also, need to see the consequences that come from good and bad behavior, through the stories in the Scriptures.

In addition to Biblical knowledge, hard work can help kids to change on the inside. Hard work leads to contentment and a positive self-image. A lack of hard work leads to discontentment and a negative self-image. Discontentment among siblings brings about arguing in the home. Older kids should be encouraged to work to their potential so that they do not feel the need to bully younger siblings. Younger kids should be encouraged to work to their potential so that they can feel "good enough." Gaining knowledge and skills in the areas that are of interest can lead kids away from bitterness and jealousy and towards a desire to share positivity in the family.

An outside the heart approach can include changing the environment. Take your kids outdoors for fresh air. Let them get some exercise. Play a game. Do kids' activities with them. When Mom and Dad are around, enjoying time with kids, those are the times when kids are most likely to be content. Try giving more time and attention to your kids during those hours when they seem to misbehave the most. During those times, if there is still a lack of peace, make sure that any frustration is not a result of miscommunication (if your kids are hungry, thirsty, not feeling well, etc.)

In all these ways, I believe you can teach your children to love one another and restore the peace in your home. I love the Scripture that tells us "If you correct your children, they will give you peace. They will bring delight to your soul (Proverbs 29:17)."

Thanks for reading!

Melissa Seng

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